The Unimportant Shits You Bother To Read

Anyone actually figures what’s on the picture above? Yup, you’re correct. The thing on the right is a joystick –the kind you usually use when playing flight simulations. The object on the left –the one with a movable handle  attached to a rectangular base– is a throttle. You use the throttle to control engine’s power, just like when flying a real aircraft. ‘Throttle up’ means pushing the handle forward, while ‘throttle down’ is the opposite. The picture above shows a pair of Thrustmaster FCS joystick and WCS Mark II throttle. I remember having such pair way back in 1993 when I used them to play flight sims like Falcon 3.0, Strike Commander, and Gunship 2000.

But no, the reason why I’m writing this is not to indulge myself in my highschool gaming memories. Instead, the reason being is because I saw this auction on ebay.

(and I have provided a big screencap here in case the auction page expires.)

(or just scroll down and take a look at the pic below, godammit!)

No, you actually read it correctly –and that’s the reason why it’s SO wrong.

In case you wonder, no. You did not misread the item’s description. Yes, the description indeed says that you are bidding on a "gently, ADULT used Thrustmaster".

Look, I have tried, okay? I’ve tried to be as innocent as possible when reading the description, but it just didn’t work. Everytime I read the phrase "gently, ADULT used Thrustmaster", I just couldn’t help but getting uncomfortable mental images about  using the joystick and throttle for ADULT plays. For starter, has the joystick ever been used for gentle, anal masturbation? And how about the throttle? How do you pleasure yourself with a throttle? Well I figure the easiest way is inserting your wang in the narrow space between the throttle’s handle and the base, then moving the handle back and forth to make a gentle, penile stimulation. Throttle up…. Oohhh… Throttle down… Ahh… Gently, gently.

Well thank you, ebay seller –whoever wrote the item’s description. I have been playing flight sims since 1990, and using joystick and throttle since 1993, but never have I thought about them the way that I’m thinking now.

Now if you excuse me, I need to take a break from playing flight sims for too long and start playing with something innocent like Nintendo Wii.

But wait. The way I’m supposed to hold the Wiimote controler –I just realized it’s just way too similar to holding my wang when jerking off. Hey, maybe Nintendo should launch a game titled ‘World Championship Jackoff 2007′ where the player is supposed to grab his Wiimote and shake it back and forth to simulate the act of masturbation. Gyah, the more I think about it, the more wrong it becomes.

Send your hate mail to unimportant.shit@yahoo.com

This entry was posted on Monday, February 12th, 2007 at 1:15 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.